So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
