hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
