Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
