Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
