maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
