last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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