so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
