Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
