The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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