If i come over, it means nothing
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
