we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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