Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
