At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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