I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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