Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
