why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
