I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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