8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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