Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
