I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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