im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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