So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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