I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
