come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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