do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
