Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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