Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
