If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
