Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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