And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
