escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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