just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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