So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
