I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
