No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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