I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
