man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
someone owes me an orgasm
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
