hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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