I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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