It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
