first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My balls are so social today.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
