New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
