How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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