I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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