fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
