my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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