so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
