....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
