eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
