i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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