I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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