I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
