Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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