he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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