I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
